Finally

Oh, glory day, our new king messiah president has come to power. And just in time, because our mortgage was coming due, and now I don’t have to pay it, right? If I get behind, Obama will save me! And I can’t wait for tomorrow, when Iran discontinues its quest for nuclear weapons, Israel and the Hamas shake hands and make nice, the stock market will climb to over 20,000, and we’ll all be able to get back to just thinking about puppies. Is that a unicorn in my backyard? Look, I just pooped a rainbow!

I can’t believe this day has finally arrived — it’s so inspiring that a man from the rough and tumble streets of Honolulu, Hawaii, raised by loving grandparents, who attended a private college prep school and went on to study in prestigious universities and receive a law degree, well, that even he, too, can become President of the United States of America. *sniff*