Barack Obama: “Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms.”
Oof, speechwriter Jon Favreau decidedly choked — Obama would have been better off using this Jon Favreau. “The country’s money, baby!” Today’s inauguration speech was decidedly missing its “The only thing we have to fear…” moment.
Even the panic-on-a-whim folks on Wall Street don’t seem phased by soaring rhetoric. As our new president spelled out his lofty aspirations, here’s how the market responded:
Have fun, Mr. President.
Oh, glory day, our new king messiah president has come to power. And just in time, because our mortgage was coming due, and now I don’t have to pay it, right? If I get behind, Obama will save me! And I can’t wait for tomorrow, when Iran discontinues its quest for nuclear weapons, Israel and the Hamas shake hands and make nice, the stock market will climb to over 20,000, and we’ll all be able to get back to just thinking about puppies. Is that a unicorn in my backyard? Look, I just pooped a rainbow!
I can’t believe this day has finally arrived — it’s so inspiring that a man from the rough and tumble streets of Honolulu, Hawaii, raised by loving grandparents, who attended a private college prep school and went on to study in prestigious universities and receive a law degree, well, that even he, too, can become President of the United States of America. *sniff*
I have to get this off my chest….
There’s no basement in the Alamo, there are no Unicorns making cafe mochas and shitting rainbows in my kitchen (but how cool would that be???) and there’s no “Office of The President Elect“.
K?
Why do I get the feeling that if I decided to ruminate for 1,000 words on the size of Michelle Obama’s ass, it probably wouldn’t go over very well with the black and/or feminist community. But for some reason, because Erin Aubry Kaplan at Salon.com is a black woman, she can write whatever masoginist, racist, banal crap that she wants to:
But what really thrills me, what really feels liberating in a very personal way, is the official new prominence of Michelle Obama. Barack’s better half not only has stature but is statuesque. She has coruscating intelligence, beauty, style and — drumroll, please — a butt. (Yes, you read that right: I’m going to talk about the first lady’s butt.)
Actually, it took me and a lot of other similarly configured black women by surprise. So anxious and indignant were we about Michelle getting attacked for saying anything about America that conservatives could turn into mud, we hardly looked south of her neck. I noted her business suits and the fact she hardly ever wore pants (unlike Hillary). As I gradually relaxed, as Michelle strode onto more stages and people started focusing on her clothes and presence instead of her patriotism, it dawned on me — good God, she has a butt! “Obama’s baby (mama) got back,” wrote one feminist blogger. “OMG, her butt is humongous!” went a typical comment on one African-American online forum, and while it isn’t humongous, per se, it is a solid, round, black, class-A boo-tay. Try as Michelle might to cover it with those Mamie Eisenhower skirts and sheath dresses meant to reassure mainstream voters, the butt would not be denied.
This coming from the same woman that previously wrote about Jennifer Lopez’s “bountiful backside”. Certainly Kaplan has a 3 part expose on Kim Kardashian forthcoming?
Keith Olbermann has received a contract extension from MSNBC through 2012, which also gave him a raise from $4 million to $7.5 million a year. Let that soak in a little — SEVEN. AND A HALF. MILLION. DOLLARS. That’s a lot of scratch for trying to bring discourse to a grinding halt. Amazing.
We know Europe is falling all over itself to bask in the glow of the new Obama regime, but everyone in the U.S. is waiting with bated breath what the word on the street in Red Square is, right? Well, the wait is over:
Only Satan would have been worse than the Bush regime. Therefore it could be argued that the new administration in the USA could never be worse than the one which divorced the hearts and minds of Americans from their brothers in the international community, which appalled the rest of the world with shock and awe tactics that included concentration camps, torture, mass murder and utter disrespect for international law. Yet in choosing Obama, the people of America have opted to come back into the international fold. Welcome back, friends!
Obama (while his running mate, Biden, is very much establishment and Zionist) is a breath of fresh air and the significance of his election yesterday cannot be overestimated. Firstly, the people of the USA have voted out the Bush regime and the odious mass-murdering thugs which controlled it and saw Washington vying with Nazi Germany for a place on the Podium of Horror. Himmler and Rumsfeld the Torturers, Goebbels and Rice the propaganda machines, Hitler and Bush the Fuhrers, masterminding concentration camps, medieval-style torture chambers, illegal invasions, acts of mass slaughter and horrific acts of cruelty as international law was consigned to the dustbin.
Please, don’t hold back, tell us what you really think!
Chris Matthews job description — journalist, statesman, superhero, king maker. I will sleep the sleep of angels tonight knowing that Chris Matthews is out there doing everything he can to make this country better via the infinite power of cable television.
Wait, what do you mean you actually don’t want me on that wall?
President-elect Obama’s advisers are crafting plans to close the Guantanamo Bay prison and prosecute terrorism suspects in the U.S., a plan the Bush administration said Monday was easier said than done.
Under the plan being crafted inside Obama’s camp, some detainees would be released and others would be charged in U.S. courts, where they would receive constitutional rights and open trials. But, underscoring the difficult decisions Obama must make to fulfill his pledge of shutting down Guantanamo, the plan could require the creation of a new legal system to handle the classified information inherent in some of the most sensitive cases.
If I were deciding to run for POTUS I might turn to exploratory committees and polls to help make my decision instead of waiting for divine intervention. I know, I know, that’s crazy talk but I’m kind of a maverick.
In a wide-ranging interview with Fox News, [Sarah Palin] said: “I’m like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I’m like, don’t let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is.”
The mother-of-five added: “And if there is an open door in [20]12 or four years later, and if it is something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I’ll plough through that door.”
Thank God! (Or in Christopher Hitchens case, thank, uh, nobody.) After being devastated last month when Hitch drank the Obama Kool-Aid, it would appear our favorite functioning drunk hasn’t completely lost it, but rather cast his vote for Obama as a wake up call to the Republicans. Hitch is now throwing a glass of water in the face of Obama lockstep loyalists, and dishing up a nice plate of reality check. (And fortunately not mangling and mixing his metaphors as badly as I just did.)
The recognition of these obvious points should also alert us to a related danger, which is the cousinhood of euphoria and hysteria. Those who think that they have just voted to legalize Utopia (and I hardly exaggerate when I say this; have you been reading the moist and trusting comments of our commentariat?) are preparing for a disillusionment that I very much doubt they will blame on themselves. The national Treasury is an echoing, empty vault; our Russian and Iranian enemies are acting even more wolfishly even as they sense a repudiation of Bush-Cheney; the lines of jobless and evicted are going to lengthen, and I don’t think a diet of hope is going to cover it. Nor even a diet of audacity, though can you picture anything less audacious than the gray, safety-first figures who have so far been chosen by Obama to be on his team?
I suppose it’s appropriate for a man full of such self-importance that he’s penned two memoirs before the ripe, old age of 47. [Ed. note: or did he?] A group in Topeka, Kansas is holding a number of rallies to promote the idea of a national holiday in honor of Barack Obama — that’s right, they want to honor him before he’s actually even done anything. Bodes well for the next four — or, god forbid, eight — years of overwhelming sycophancy.
“Yes We Can” planning rallies will be at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. every Tuesday at the downtown McDonald’s restaurant, 1100 Kansas Ave., until Jan. 13. The goals are to secure a national holiday in Obama’s honor, to organize celebrations around his inauguration and to celebrate the 200th birthday of President Abraham Lincoln, who was born on Feb. 12 1809.
